I awoke one June 24 morning and realized after nothing that really would ever lead up to any sort of enlightening realization that I wanted to be a buffalo-bowlin’, hookah-snortin’, bathtub-drinkin’, duck-snatchin’, tree-itching, crack-smackin’, moose-fisher! So I did what any (copy-paste what I just said) buffalo-bowlin’, hookah-snortin’, bathtub-drinkin’, duck-snatchin’, tree-itching, crack-smakin’, moose-fisher would do, I just sat there, and rolled around on the ceiling a little bit, just a little bit, going mehhghjdghjhhheeheghjfgjhhheehefgjhfghhehehfgjhfghjeheh! I was never going to get to be a bbhsbddsticsmf ( correct pronunciation = is bbhsbddsticsmf for all you grammar communists and spelling Nazis out there, yeah you, you got’ dayumn, god-hatin’, Merican’killin’daughters of those things that you kind of hold like this, and shoot, and it goes BANG BANG BANG, yesiirrrrr those… ). Anyway, then I saw a cow die and ‘nother cow got up off his lazy butt like any good ol’ Merican’ cow would and buried his fallen brother and sang him one of those good ol’ tunes all patriotic-like, and sat back down ate some grass, and took a shit, on God’s green earth – (be quiet) – well, why do you think he made it, I’ll give you a hint – cauuuuuwwwwwwwzzzz! Anyway, the song went something like this “Yeah, freedom, and in-de-pen-dences, and green hills, and buffalo, and natives that weren’t actually ever here, no, foreigners are bad, they make me so sad… You know how sometimes stupid things or insignificant things really stand out – well, that act of the utmost resourcefulness by my dearest friend, the cow, just living off the land – even though nothings gona live there for years I’ll tell you right now – in-spir-ed me to set off on my quest to become a bbhsbddsticsmf. So I just started walkin’, jus’ walkin, walkin, walkin, oh Lord its getting’ hot, oh, oh man, walkin’ is hard, what is that feeling in, in my muscles, especially, you know, the ones that I use to walk, oh God it hurts, and then I arrived at Ntzzzzntzzzzntzzzzzgardheim, the Fascist Benevolent Dictatorship of the City State Coalition of Republic Democracy Theocracy Autotocracy Monarchy Polyarchy Oligarchy for Citizen-ite-ians!
The second I entered the city I remembered Mr. Chalk’s original emphasis that our stories should actually have something to do with us; our lives, experiences, and history. With this magnificent revelation from the gods, I ventured forth into the heart of the metropolis. The entire city seemed to be a col-de-sac in modern day San Antonio, man, it really brought me back to my roots, my hometown, let me give you a hint, SAN ANTONIO!! I was originally born in Austin and so the ‘weird’ as it were, flows where blood would’ve, however I grew up in San Antonio, so, I guess, I am somewhere in between the ‘Merican Flag Salutin’, Texas Worshipin’, Tex-Mex Food Eatin’, Shotgun-Weildin’, Lone Star Brewin’ Confederate Nazi Aryans, and the Gluten-Free cookin’, tree-embracin’, sushi-bar frequentin’, hill-hikin’, roadside-joggin’, liberal hissy fit throwin’ Hippie Democrat Wilderness Urbanites. Now that you know where I come from and where my honkeys be hangin’, you can see where the fencing comes from, no, not really. That actually was an entirely different story, if you haven’t already read it in the Yearbook, my mom was looking up fencing, like fencing for your backyard fencing, and she found a link to a fencing camp, like with swords. She talked to me about it and next thing you know, I had dropped basketball and soccer for fencing, I mean common, you smack people with swords, no sport can compete with highly efficient sword smackin’! Anyway, so, when I was a baby and we still lived in Austin, I’ve been told we had some “interesting” neighbors like the daughter thinks she is an opera goddess “interesting.” Apparently, also she would always wake me up, and I would join in chorus with her banshee-bawling. So the song we finally decided upon would probably we akin to fifty squirrels and a moose getting shoved into a wood chipper all within two seconds of each other. TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS; SERIOUSLY, IT’LL MAKE ALLAH AKHBAR PROUD!!!! Later on we moved to San Antonio, the city of good ole’ Saint An-to-ne as the native will tell you… Basically, as far as San Antonio goes, the women are fat and sassy as are their too-manly-for-their-own-good counterparts, the Tex-Mex food is the best in the world, the fencers are few and far between, the Spurs are the best, no arguing, how bout’ that Grizzles game, yep, anyway, and my mom’s gigantic family lives there, so, it’s good, reeeeeeeeellll good. So good you might say gordy gord… Of course, we moved again, now I live with y’all peoplez, here in Austin, stay weird, or creative, because we’re all in Creative Writing class together, and that’s all the matters, really….
Spontaneous Creativity 